To all the Martians and Venusians out there!
This was mailed to me, which I think is worth sharing…
Communications frustration…?
This is a long one but worth the read ..till the end …..
THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
Well, here’s a prime example offered by an English professor at an
American University. "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca-last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
————————————————————-
STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at
home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought
about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was
out of the question.
——————————————————
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie
with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris
to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator.
"Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…" But before he
could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and
blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
———————————————————-
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman
who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of
her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense
of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must
one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
———————————————————
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through
the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.
With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.
The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The
President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor
off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion,
which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans.
The President slammed his fist on the conference table.
"We can’t allow this! I’m going to veto that treaty! Let’s blow ‘em out of the
sky!"
———————————————————-
(rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
———————————————————-
(gary)
Yeah? Well, you’re a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA???
Oh no, I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels."
———————————————————-
(rebecca)
Asshole.
———————————————————-
(gary)
Bitch.
———————————————————-
(rebecca)
Wanker.
———————————————————-
(gary)
slut.
———————————————————
(rebecca)
Get f*cked.
———————————————————-
(gary)
Eat sh*t.
——————————————————–
(rebecca)
F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
———————————————————-
(gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.
**********************************************
(teacher)
A+ : I really liked this one.
